The herd of the subway

So unfortunately but unavoidably true, my life as a young-ish city girl includes me being a student for the next few more years to come. Sure, an education comes in handy in this day and age seeing as you now need a degree to get anywhere in life—anywhere that will allow you to live and not starve to death from low-wages. And though the classes and the readings are barely manageable and in the interest of complaining, the many other aspects of University life are not. As riveting of an experience North American movies and television programs display, the reality of University life is far from a candy coated walk in the park. It might surprise some to know that my University isn’t the size of 50 American high schools. And shockingly my tuition isn’t paid for by a rich mommy and daddy. And sadly, my life doesn’t include the gorgeous-tall-dark-and-handsome-football player-hunk of meat-jock of a boyfriend. Worst of all, I didn’t get that convertible Cadillac for my birthday which means I am left to find my own means of transportation; the deadly, terrifying and defying Toronto Transit System (shocker). A city girl on city transit; doesn’t sound too bad I’d say. Has a little bit of a ring to it eh? I could even have my own theme song: “Waking up in the morning, ready to go, she jumps on the bus and away she goes. She’s just a ciiittt------tyyyy giiirrrrrrlll.”

The problem itself isn’t with the city buses and the stench they give off. Nor is it because the seldom times I get a seat it’s covered with dirty tissues, coffee cups and already been chewed gum. It more so has to do with the masses of pushy, inconsiderate, ‘no-time-to-stop-and-smell-the-flowers’ crowds of people. Unbeknownst to you, I am pretty petite; of the animal kingdom, I would probably be described as a monkey. Sure, it’s awesome most of the time because you know what I can do that you can’t? Fit through small spaces. And that comes in handy during those times I feel like climbing through the vents of buildings. But you know what I can’t do? Escape from mobs and herds of people who are 6 feet tall and engulf me in their mob like formations. Sometimes I wonder if the kids from Jumanji re-pulled out their game board letting a herd of animals out to run the streets of Toronto. Stupid kids. Either that, or I’ve been stuck in a scene of The Wizard of Oz because all I see are lions, tigers and bears; oh and elephants.
justWatch out for the lions, the kings of the herds covered by mountains of stuff; things like IPods’ and Blackberry’s; backpacks and purses; snacks and books; and even rude looks. Their eyes will be focussed of all on their stuff and they'll move through the crowds leaving you in the rough. Then there are the tigers, fast as can be. They’ll rush through the crowds leaving dust in their tracks. Trip you they will and push you they will; they stop at no cost as if time might get lost. Among the herd also lie the bears. These species are an interesting one as they are much less aggressive in their actions. But beware their lingering behind you, their tracing your steps and the assumption that they have no harm in mind. Be quick with your mind and with your feet or you're sure to lose your seat. The last member of the herd but one of the most common is the elephant. Resembling zombies from the common day horror movie, this member of the pact moves inch by inch unsure of its destination. Stopping dead in its tracks not sure where to go, standing like a brick wall all-to-and-fro, your likely to run into them with your head under their toes. Now this is a caution, for those who didn't know, the herd of the subway lives down below. So watch as you step on to the TTC, for you must ride with caution or pay the fee.
acitSo,So, now that you've heard about my daily encounters, I ask: what is the monkey of the herd supposed to do when riding the TTC, when all she wants to do is get to school without being pushed into subway doors, without being pushed to the ground, off the escalator and out the door? What is a city girl supposed to do to escape the pack of animals that is the transit system? Unfortunately there is nothing I can do, unless you want to start a trust fund for a old school Cadillac Convertible. Or maybe, you would like to be my personal chauffer? I would even settle for a personal body guard; you can be my cheetah and get me through my life of city transit riding, safely, quickly and un-annoyingly. Either that, or you could find the kids who opened Jumanji and threaten to take their candy if they don’t burry that game deep down to the ground.
girlThe best case scenario would be for the hunter of Jumanji (Van Belt?) to shoot the herd of animals with tranquilizers, that way they’ll slow down and give me enough time to get to school without their impedance. Unfortunately though, like I’ve said before my life is not the movies, and will never be (‘tear’).
I guess until my monkey stature comes in handy and until I can find vents in the subway to crawl through, I’m stuck using my non-puppy-dog eyes and my non-aggressive monkey claws. So for all lions, tigers, bears and elephants, I’m sending you a message; beware because one day this monkey will be ready to go ape crazy.