Even just 1 hour. ....

So after a long couple weeks of studying at Country Style, Starbucks, Swiss Chalet and the Library, me and my best survived and made it to the start of our summer. Along the way of course, food and coffee became our companions and our only mean of staying awake and motivated. Among the coffee cups we drank from--which tallied to a couple dozen--and courtesy of Country Style, we had fancy cups with thought provoking  sayings; this one of which was my favorite. We pretty much sat there for a couple minutes talking about them, instead of studying. But like I said, this one was my favorite. 

 I thought about it long and hard when I got home, because at Country Style my response was White Ninja who I completely understand is a fictional comic character, but he totally fits my weirdness and laughs at anything according to his comics..though that might actually mean I'd rather have lunch with the creator of White Ninja. In any case, I thought about it long and hard. I thought first of a famous person that I'd want to have lunch with, and if I had to chose I'd probably say Audrey Hepburn, mainly because she's who I believe, embellishes true beauty and class. But then I thought I'd definitely rather have lunch with someone who meant something more to me, and I thought about my grandpa. 

My grandpa passed away when I was two, I think, so of course I really don't remember anything about him. I only know what I've seen in pictures and what my mom has told me. And from what she's told me he really seemed like the kind of person I'd want to re-meet at an age I'd actually remember. My mom loved him to death, obviously and to this day, little things remind her of him, and she always makes a point to tell me about the little things he used to do Things like warming up milk and cookies for her in the middle of the night, picking her up and purting her on his knee, singing to her in the morning. I only wish that I could've seen that, that I could've had that from him. Everyone always has grandpa and grandma stories, and for me, unfortunately I wasn't lucky enough for that. If he's anything like my mom, I'm pretty sure I'd fall in love with him and be that granddaughter who would go and make/eat breakfast (or lunch ; ) ) at his place every Saturday. 

From the pictures I've seen, his face has been filled with such grace, happiness and kindness. I remember once that I fell in love with a picture of my mom and him, so much so that I blew it up, with a poem (cheesy, I know) and gave it to her for mothers day. She was all dolled up (I think it was her wedding day) and she was hugging him and his face had the most peaceful smile. He was so proud of her and so filled with joy. 

 

I can't stress enough how much I wish I could've had that with her dad. I mean I love my dad to death, but I think knowing the rest of your family is such a lucky thing to have and for me, the only extended grandpas and grandmas I got to know, was my dad's mom, and now she's passed away too. 

I guess I just wish I had him as part of my life. Even for one day. One hour. It would be a pretty sweet hour and I'm pretty sure we'd get along great. It makes it worse too when Mom tells me that he'd fall in love with me, and that I'd make him proud. Though, I guess things are the way they are for a reason. 

Anyways, thats who I would want to have lunch with. What about you chums? Who in the "whole-wide-world" would you want as a lunch date ? Ms. Piggy? John Lennon? Your great, great, great grandma?

Until the mind rumbles next, watch the geese and make some toast. 

cheers. 

Sensible Heart?

It is not as though, I want to date him, I mean I’d definitely love to be with him and by be with him I mean, in his arms, his nose touching mine, as cliché as it sounds. I love feeling his heat and him feeling mine and I love his arm round my back and my hand stroking his. I love the whispering, the locking of the lips, I love his smile. Ha, and I love the way I kiss him with my eyes open, and the way he bites my lip when I tell him not to. And I love the way we pull our covers over our head so that no one else in the room hears us. I sound as though I want to be with him and I mean part of me does but I don’t want it to be understood that I’m in love with him or anything.. I just love what he does for me. I want to say I love person he is, but then I think and I wonder, and I’m not sure that I do. I just wish I could have him on call, to hold me, to like feel that body heat, for him to Eskimo kiss me.

I tell myself--ha ha--that I am so not attached, but that is so a lie. I’m attached in the way that..I want to come home and have him there to be like, get over here girl, and then he’ll hold me and whisper sweet nothings but I don't want a relationship.
I guess my thoughts get lost in a cloud when I think I think about what he’s thinking about. Here I am listening to music, and all I can think of is the last time we were together. Or when I’m lying on my bed and watching TV, I think how much better it would be to just be there with him. It’s more or less I want to know what he’s thinking. I mean when we’re together, I want to know that he’s thinking I’m great and that he’d not be anywhere else. I wanna know if I am that person he thinks about when he's in class or at home. Part of me is thinking, maybe it’s just an excuse to get some ass. But like I know he really does think something great of me, but I just want to go to sleep at night, knowing he’s thinking the same thing. Not that we want to be exclusive, but that it would be really nice to be with her, just like I think it would be really nice to be with him.
I've obviously had an insane amount of mixed feelings about him, as can be noticed in this blog, with the things he's done like inflating his hego (male ego) and being distant, and crapping out on plans and not saying the things I want him to say. But I mean, the good times definitely out way the bad, if it’s fair to say. I mean, it’s not like we’ve had either a lot of good times or bad times. But the bad things, at least what I’ve been upset with, I let him fix them with the way he looks me in the eye, and calls me 'hahht'. Hah. It’s just funny you know, how you can get so close to a person, without being a part of their whole self.
I guess I just want to know that someone thinks of me the way I think of them, because it tears me apart to sit and question all my thoughts. I know I should trust the way I feel about him, and the way I think he might feel about me, but my heart and head intertwine and cross roads and just mess everything up.
And I hate being that girl. That cliche' girl who can't get her feelings straight and does not know what she wants. I don't want to be that girl that cries over a guy that isn't even hers or is ever gonna be hers. And as much as I am that girl, I don't want to be that girl that writes blogs over a man.
I guess its a part of life though right? I mean, if lovin was that easy, and life was a straight road, everyone would be at the end with smiles on their faces.