TAGGED.

There comes a time, in every bloggers life, where she must sucumb to people knowing things about her, she may not want them too...because she's been TAGGED! Yep. I have been tagged, though its good to know I have friends on this thing, as  tairebab's mentioned, ahem who is also the one who tagged me! Thanks : P! So I think this is how it goes, I post the rules:

1. link the person(s) who tagged you (done above)..I think. 

2. Mention the rules on your blog

3. Tell about 6 unspectacular quirks of yours...

4. Tag 6 following bloggers by linking them…

5. Leave a comment on each of the tagged blogger’s blogs letting them know they’ve been tagged...

Okay. And now the quirks, though I don't know of these would necessarily be considered quirks. Here goes. 

1. I hate people touching my feet: I've no idea what it is, but I hate people poking at my feet, my nails, massaging them, anything to do with them really. I've never gone for a pedicure for that sole reason--> I do my own. I'd rather be the one touching them than have some person have their go. It's not even that Im ticklish, which I am, but I think its more like them having my feet makes me vulnerable to them tickling them? I dunno. OH and I'm not afraid of feet or anything in general. I don't mind feet on my lap, its just my feet. I want them left alone!!

2. I sleep anyway but vertical on my bed: I've got a double bed, and Im not tall or anything, and its got about 6 inches of ledge together, on both sides of the bed. So usually I wake up and Im diagonal, or horizontal. It feels to weird to sleep vertical cause I feel like the rest of the bed is a waste of space....Yup. 

3. I make up random words and throw them into my every day vocabulary: Yeah. I don't know what it is, but random things come up in my head, where I throw together like two words and make them one. Sexcellent is a good one. Why I don't use excellent? No Idea. Oh and when I wanna say  "lets leave" I say "Lets scatter." Though I guess since scatter is a word, It doesn't count..so I guess I technically insert words into sentences that might have better words to use, but EHN. Oh and I say "hey mange" instead of "hey man"..

4. I make unintended puns, but then ruin them by pointing them out, when I realize I've made them: It started as like, a joke between me and my friends, of who could make the least noticeable puns. Since then, I make puns without realizing it, but then I feel all cool and ruin them by pointing them out. Sigh. Bah! I don't know why, but I think cause most of my puns are funny, and I like to get a laugh, and sometimes they're too subtle, so I make them show..which defeats the original purpose of a pun..if that makes sense. 

5. I get ready in my skivvies (can I say skivvies?) and to loud music: Yep. After hitting the snooze button 5 times over and savoring every last minute in bed,  I wake up, throw on the undergarments and open itunes and blast my music. Maybe dance a jig too, I won't lie. I do my make-up in them, brush my teeth, eat breakfast, fix the hair, etc etc. When its like, 5 minutes before I go, I throw on whatever looks comfy and head out the door. 

6. As much as I re-arrange my cork-board in front of my computer, I never take anything down: I rearrange that cork-board a couple times a week, to pretend Im making it look more organized, but the truth is it would look a hell of a lot more organized if I took things down. Per example. I still have my sheet of paper from months ago that has important reminders. Note:

Dentist- Sat, Feb 9, 12:00

Doctor Appt- Tues, Feb 19th, 3:15

Interview: Tues, March 11, 7:00pm

Oh and I've also got a note from my best for valentines, one from my b-day, which was like 6 months ago, my driving schools business card, which closed way back when, unbeknownst to me, but thats a different blog, a quote my friend once said a while ago, another business card, a picture of sheep...some music pamphlet I got in my City and Colour CD case. ... yep. 

I hope those were all considered quirks. Hmm. Now I guess its my time to tag some of you folks. Hmm. Who to tagggg.....

Alright, I've decided. 

I like his blog, and therefore would like to know more about the blogger himself, so :

1. Early-late-night

2. Bharat

3. Half the fun is planning the plan

4. Taxitalk

5. Secret Blogger

6. I'd say Quarter past seven, but apparently you've been tagged! Hmm. Im gonna think about this one for the rest of the day..and then post my last taggeee later. 

P.S. I will get blogging soon , back to some sort of regular schedule, before I head off in three weeks and my blogs become even more distanced! :o!! OO. But as for anything going on in my life, nothing really of importance, Sex and the City movie tonight though. WOO. what fun. 

Alright, taggee's , quirk away!!

Cheers mates!

The People You Meet Uptown

The people you meet uptown are apparently the same as the ones you meet downtown; interesting. Though this time the word interesting includes: asshole behavior (can i even say asshole?)

So the other night me and four of my girlfriends were coming back from somewhere--can't remember from where--but we decided to hit up good ol' fatty Mc'Ds. It was like 12:08 at this point which meant that the dine in part of the restaurant was closed and Kelsey had to use to the bathroom, really badly. We saw a group of kids sitting at a booth by the window, and I use the term kids to describe their behavoir, cause they were definitely old enough in age to have not acted the way they did. 

Anyways, Kelsey had to go to the bathroom and the doors were locked, so we started to signal to the group of kids that she had to go use the loo. We did everything from making the letter P with our fingers, mouthing it, acting it out. They totally understood too, but were playing stupid and shrugging their shoulders laughing. So we figured we'd type it in our phone and put it up against the window. 

We wrote: Bathroom. Open the door please?

They wrote back: Cop a squat. Then proceeded to laugh and ignore us. 

We started banging on the door and the manager finally noticed us and let us in after merciless begging. So while we were waiting, the kids came out and it went like this:

Us: Wow. Thanks for the help. 

Girl A: Awwkwarrrd. 

Guy A: Uhh what. I didn't understand what you were saying. 

Us: We texted it. 

Guy A: Oh. Well I was like why would 4 girls have to go to the bathroom.

Us: There's 5 of us. 

End of story. We went to our car, they went to there's. We wanted to flip out at how arrogant, rude and immature they were, but we're not the kind. They must've been high school students because as University students ourselves, I've never seen that from people our age, or I would never think to do that. 

I mean, to be rude and immature like that is really unnecessary. Even high school students should be mature enough to open the door instead of acting stupid. I'd give them kudos if they tried and the manager wouldn't let them, but don't just sit there and laugh and think you're better than us, cause you're not. If we had done the same to them, we'd not be better, but the fact that we wouldn't do something like that, that's what makes us better. 

Grr. The thing that makes it worse, is that the bathroom is a very personal thing. If a girls gotta go, she's gotta go. For all you gents out there, I'm sure its a hell of a lot easier to get your business done without a toilet, but for us, it ain't. 

Anyway's the people you meet uptown are no different from the people you meet downtown, they're all interesting. 

All in all, I tried to think back to when I was in high school and I really hope I never did anything like that. 

Until next time, chose those chocolates wisely, cause you never know what's inside. 

Cheers mates!

Person to Person

It's amazing what a small world it is and it's amazing how many people we meet over our life time. Walking down the streets, it's likely you'll run into someone you've seen before, met before, or can consider yourself as "knowing them." 

I've been thinking about how people think about others, when they think about them, and why. I don't think I speak for myself when I say that I think of certain people more than others and at particular times and situations. That got me thinking further; Does every person have a person?

What I mean by that is that I have someone I think about, a lot. I think about that person when Im eating my lunch, wondering what they're doing. I think about that person as Im typing this blog. I think about that person when Im listening to music and walking down the street. If I have a person I'm thinking about, am I somebody's person? Do I have a person who thinks of me the way I think of my person?

Say my little hypothetical theory/question was true, and every person had a person; wouldn't it be nice to know whose person you were and when and what they were thinking about you? But then again, what if you weren't someone's person? Does that mean you're not special enough? That there's not something great enough about you to be in someone's thoughts?

On another note; I don't think the idea of being somebody's someone or having a someone is fixed. I think its ever changing and changes at different parts of your life. 

I guess another question is; what makes a person special enough to be that person?

Cheers mates!

Life in Black and White

Haven't really had anything terribly exciting to blog about lately, hence no recent blogs. Im serious though, the most exciting thing thats happened the past few days has been finding a freckle behind my knee. Actually at the time I was really excited. Pathetic eh? Ehn. Im not too picky. Oh and I lost my credit card, but then found it at the last place I ate, tucked away in their safe Fun. 

Hm. I got thinking today about pictures, like photographs. Well I wasn't actually thinking of them; they more or less, got me thinking. Black and white pictures are probably my favorite pictures of all. Even capturing moments of a night on the town; much rather have them in black and white, for many reasons of course. The first being that many of your flaws are hidden, especially when you higher the flash exposure thingy. Love myself in black and white I have got to say. 

It got me thinking though, how much easier life would be in black and white. Like that movie..Pleasantville, I think. Never would you have to decide what colours to paint your walls; what colour shirt to buy; what colour curtains, etc etc. And your choice of favorite colour would be in the range of blacks, and grays and whites. Oh, and life would be so much more epic, and classy looking. 

Too bad photographs are the only way to live life in black and white. Boo. 

Until you stop panicking, win that lottery. 

Cheers mates. 

the people you meet downtown

The people you meet in downtown Toronto are interesting. Interesting is a good word to sum up the weirdos, the creeps, the freaks and the o.k. ones. 

My two bests and I decided that Wednesday was a good night to party. Why? Well because its the middle of the week and we all weren't working the next day. What's more fun?

So, naturally we pre-drink: 

9:30; p.m. we start

10:30; we're not done. 

11:30; we jump on the subway and header downtown. 

During the subway ride the alcohol started kicking and we all had to use the bathroom. I'd say something like pee like a race horse to really describe the urgency of our situation,  but that's not lady like. Anyways, you get the idea. We'll with our luck there were no bathrooms at our stop and being a Wednesday night and after 12, all coffee shops, most bars, fast food places and the like were closed. All of us moaned in grouchiness since we all were in desperate need for bathroom utilities, that we contemplated using the streets. Course there are many problems with that:

a) totally not brave enough to do that

b) didn't want to get a ticket, with the many cops down in downtown toronto hiding behind bushes. 

c) Gross. 

Luckily we found a bar that was open, ran in only to be stopped by the bouncer at the front who checked our ID's. Done and done; we all ran downstairs to use the utilities. What's funny about that bar is that it's the same bar we went to for one of our birthdays, in which we borrowed each other's Id's at the same time, right after each other. How it worked; no idea. We all look nothing alike. But in any case it worked.  

Moving on to the actual title of the blog; the people you meet downtown are damn interesting. The first group of guys we met seemed to be from everywhere but the city. Im talking about 3 lovely gentlemen from Britain (gorgeous); a group from Orlando on Vacation and I think one from like Pittsburgh. Though I could be completely lying about the last one  cause my memory ain't fresh. 

There was another group in the second room of the club; big group of friends (a few were actually from the city and then some from outside the city) decided that us three were going to be "their" girls. By that I mean, they bought us drinks. Lots. I guess they were friends with the bartender or had connections cause the bartender kept lining shots and drinks up for us, courtesy of them; I of course didn't mind, after having to pay 20 dollars cover. A night of free drinks would be something anyone would love. 

Course I was watchful of roofies. Anyways, they we're probably few of the less 'interesting' guys, which was definitely a good thing. Though there was some weirdo who had his hair all emo-fied and gave me his business card to his hair salon. He said he'd make a special appointment for me. What the hell does that mean. At that point I walked away. 

The night was ending and we were talking to the bouncers when this one old guy walks up to my friend and asks if she smokes weed. My friend never having done so, said no. He further went to ask if we smoked weed and she replied that we had but don't do it on a regular basis. He offered going back to his place to "smoke some weed." Many problems with that; seriously we're not going back to your old ass place and we're not those type of girls. 

So, at that point we decided it was time to leave. Naturally after a night on the town we get street meat. Nothing beats good ol' vendor dogs. Being our first time to that club, we decided to ask these two fellows (who we thought we're cute at first. Tall, dark and handsome) if they knew where a hot dog stand was. Im talking to the one guy and this is how the conversation goes:

Me: "hey do you know where a hot dog stand is"

Him: (I swear)

Me: "Excuse me? Don't even say what you're thinking"

Him: "What am I thinking?"

Me: "I don't even wanna know"

Him: "Do you want to give me something??"

Me: "Uhm. No."

For some reason we proceeded with them as they offered to walk us to the one on Queen St. 

They seemd nice, except for that one loser comment, but I was still a bit tipsy which meant that I brushed it off. So we're walking and it seems Queen St. is never going to come but finally it comes. My two friends got their dogs and Im getting mine. Mind you this hot dog stand SUCKED. It didn't have any of the fixins. All it had was ketchup, mustard and bbq sauce. I was hungry though, so the BBQ sauce did. While I'm paying, my friends chatting with the one brother and all of a sudden I hear her say: 

"Uhm. No. I don't know what you're thinking, but we're not those kind of girls. So you guys should just go."

After them leaving, we asked her what happened. Turns out he asked if all three of us wanted to go back to his apartment to get it on with him and his brother. What the hell. Seriously?

Up until that point, the night was pretty stellar. 

But seriously, the people you meet downtown are either weirdos, creeps, freaks or losers. 

Until those balloons stop popping, clean that window. 

Cheers mates. 

I wish I could read minds.

Do I call you babe now?

Jack said what I've been wanting to hear, what I've been hoping to hear: He likes me : ). 

I feel like such a school girl. I mean I know we both liked each other, but we felt like keeping things the way they were would be best; on a physical basis. Though that was more him than me--I was too much of a chicken shit to say how I really felt though... But then, the other day he told me how he was kidding himself in thinking he didn't like me. 

Obviously my first reaction was to call my best and tell her the conversation we had, since I was literally at a loss for words and apparently he was too. Me talking to my best meant leaving him hanging after he said: I've been thinking I really like you, for a whole 7 minutes. Shit, I thought. I mean, I didn't want him thinking I was freaking out, which I was, but he wasn't allowed to know!

When I say freaking out, I don't mean that I was scared of his forwardness; it was more like me being scared of opening myself up and saying how I actually felt. It was weird though because it was a really delicate conversation. We both put our feelings out there and we we're like trying to figure out what's next, like if we should actually try out a relationship. 

Thing is, he said the last time we we're together, that it felt right. God was I glad to hear that, only because it what I was thinking the whole time. Yeah, I felt crappy about me being a vending machine he snacks on, but the fact that he said it felt right, really makes me think that he wants more than that. 

Thing is, Jack lives to hours away and none of us have our own places. Living with my parents, I know that the rents would flip if I had a guy stay over. Im not sure what the situation is with him, whether if I went up if I would be welcomed by his parents to stay a couple days. But the long distance thing is definitely going to make it difficult. It's thrilling to think that we're dating, but its conflicting cause its like as tangible as it isn't. For example, the other night when we had that conversation, he drove two hours in the middle of the night cause he needed to see me. As great as that is, it scares me because I'm going to get to the point where I want to see him when I want but cause the distance is an issue it makes things that much harder. 

There's potential to make it work, with me being able to stay with him on my days off from my camp job, if his parents permit. It's only been a couple days so I'm not going to over-analyze. Im gonna live in the moment and I am going to enjoy the ride. What's most important to me, is that he let his feelings spill and knowing how a person feels about you can be the greatest prize of all. 

Take a dive to cool your skin

Cheers mates. 

Eye see nothing.

I hate optometrist appointments. I had one today, cause I'm far-sighted, well..which ever is the one where you can't see far away. Anyways, mainly an issue for university lectures. Oh, and I have a random frekle on my eye, which they are careful in watching..I guess. In any case, I had one today scheduled for 2:15. I got there 20 minutes early and by 2:15 the doctor called my name, telling me to go to room number 2. So I did. 

Anyways, the main doctor I guess put an eye-drop in each eye, without warning me. Kind of sudden, I'd say. So the first set of eye drops made my eyes feel like they had coins embedded in the lids, which wasn't helped by her shining lights into my eyes. 

She had a resident student who was there to learn and she kept asking me if it was alright that he took a look in my eye. She started quizzing him on things about this random freckle and he was getting the wrong answers I guess. Anyways, he asked me if it was okay to look in my eye and I was like Sure why not. I thought I'd make a joke, so I said; It'll be like an episode of Greys Anatomy where the resident has to guess the medical symptoms. I thought it was funny. The student thought it was funny, but the little arrogant main optometrist didn't. 

I guess you can't win them all. 

Point of the story: I had two more sets of drops, to dilate my pupils, bothered the hell out of me once I hit outside, the sun light and junk. Oh and I looked like I had smoked a splif. 

Fun eh?

Until the wagon stops rolling, catch those apples. 

Cheers mates. 

Dreaming of the odd.

I've been having an insane amount of weird dreams the past few nights. As I'm writing this line right now, I'm worried I'm going to forget what they're about. I can't quite remember what nights they occurred on, or if they we're all in fact in one night. 

I guess I'll talk about the first one I remember..

I dreamt about my mom and my dad and some other people that I can't remember right now, which might mean its not important to mention. But we were all up in a hotel room having a party (egh, partying with the rents) and it was a big room; typical room, two beds, a washroom, a big balcony and a rather spacious room in general. Anyways, there we're definitely people my age, I'd call 'em kids, but I'm not really a kid. Though, it could be appropriate since my parents were in the dream and I am their kid. 

Anyways, we're all sitting down and all of a sudden we hear shootings. So we look outside the window of the balcony, and by we I mean, through my eyes and all of a sudden there's two people beside me, who it seems are on our team, fighting to save us, even though the debacle was really between them and the opposing shooters. So they're shooting and the feeling I had was obviously fear, fear for me, my mom and dad. 

At one point, the room was hit with a bullet I guess, and it started to crumble. The balcony was falling, breaking in half, the room had separated in half.  I think at that point I was running around, trying to get people to jump off the balcony to safer ground. And I remember looking over at my dad, who was sitting so peacefully in a chair with his eyes closed. Mom was safe, though I can't remember where she was, but the feeling at that point, I remember it being calm. But dad wasn't. I ran over to him, jumping over that gap that had been created from the separation of the room, and he was life-less. It freaks me out to even write this part over cause I hate thinking about it. His face was warm, but he wasn't there. His eyes we're closed and he was just gone, leaving us with like this weird calm, serene smile. 

Mom had been there, doing something, but someone told me I had to leave dad and save myself and everyone else. I can't remember what happened next, but what I do remember is the opposition team getting closer to our balcony and I was all alone with the shooters on our team, so I ran to the bathroom and locked the door. At one point, I thought it was safe to get out, so I did and our shooters said they had defeated the opposition, I guess they meant killed them. 

And then I was back in the bathroom, with my mom hiding and the gun man suddenly entered. And he was like, pointing the gun at us and all I remember was starting to cry and asking him to not harm me or my mom and then he like laughed and said he wouldn't and walked out the door. Next, I was behind our shooters and they had gotten the oppositions outside our room, well half outside, de-armed them and we're about to close the door and lock it. But then the opposition had slipped a coca-cola label on the ground, stepped on it and then left. 

All of a sudden it was like an episode of like CSI where, they zoom into the label and see all of its mechanisms working, etc etc. So it was like zoomed in and then all of a sudden my dream ended with a big explosive boom. 

And thats when I woke up. What it means, I have no idea. 

My second dream isn't as vivid in my mind..but I dreamt about Jack and Jimmy (Jack's insightful friend). I had decided to go up to one of their parties, that seemed to be in some sort of recreation hall to see Jack and to re-meet Jimmy. I remember walking in and being a little dis-oriented with their friends I've heard of, but haven't met. 

Anyways, I had like passed Jack and he didn't even say hello or acknowledge that I was there. I figured I'd go up to him later, but for now just rummage through the mounds of people. I had met one of his friends, who had this girlfriend who was like hand in hand with him on the couch and I sat down and started talking to them. All of a sudden, a girl from my high-school (in the real non-dreaming world) came up and introduced herself and this guy who had the gf right beside him, started to flirt with her and make-out with her. Really bizarre. 

After that I left the couch and went over to some other people and I just remember looking over my shoulder and I saw Jack laughing. Him and his friends we're looking in my direction and laughing at the top of their lungs. Then I went to the bathroom to shed my frustrations and I remember lifting the toilet seat, but there was saran wrap on it. Luckily I had noticed it, but then all of a sudden some guy barges in and starts laughing saying it was a prank and that he almost had me. ..

That's really all I remember of that dream..weird or what?

I dunno. Dreams are as cool as they are weird, but it would be so nice to know what they actually meant. 

Weightless Birds.

Alcoholism is the only disease you can get yelled at for having.
"DAMNIT Autto, you've got Lupis"
"DAMNIT Autto, you're an alcoholic"

- Mitch Hedberg

haha. Thought I'd throw in a joke that came up around the table today, that is leading me to blog. If you've not heard of him, Youtube him, a.s.a.p. Seriously, stop reading my blog and go to youtube! Sadly, he's dead. Way to put it subtly eh? I pretty much suck at that. But still, go youtube him.

Anyway's before I get on with typing my head down on paper, for all those who we're concerned in the blogging world, I am feeling much better. I am no longer dizzy, my necks still stiff as a branch, but I guess its what I should expect from falling of a couch and blacking out. But anyways, back to today's early blog.

I was out with my mom and my sister tonight, to a movie and appetizers afterwards, which was really nice because I've been so occupied with myself, my friends and my thoughts. It was nice to just sit down and talk. We talked about how my mom and dad met, for like the 10th time. We talked about having kids and why my mom had as many as she did etc. etc. It was really a good conversation. I thought I knew my sister and my mom like the back of my hand, but course I didn't. I don't mean that in a bad way, not in a great way either. Hmm. Well, without giving too much about myself away (though, I've already failed with that), my mom got into talking about me having kids. And well, I've been through a medical journey. Nothing crazy serious, though ask mom about it and she'd say it was. Let's just go with, I have had my share of broken legs, from weak leg bones, yeah lets say that. But Im all over with that stuff, meaning I don't hold it against myself and feel sorry for myself, etc.

Anyways, mom got talking and the sister got talking about having kids, one day (years and years down the road) and they reminded me that I'd have a 50 percent chance of passing on what I had to my kids. It floors me to talk about this though now, cause I am only 20 and well I'm not living in the generation my parents did, which means I'm definitely not having kids soon, at all. But anyways, my sister asked me if I'd really have a kid if they we're gonna go through the same thing I did, and my response was damn well I would. Obviously, I can understand that what I went through would be hard for the people around me , that knew me, but my kid having to face that, I could deal and it would only make them stronger. Cliche much? Its what my parents taught me.

My sister said that she would not have a kid if she knew it had to go through that, or anything else. I looked over to my mom, and I could tell she was thinking the same thing, in the sense that she wouldn't want something like that to be repeated. I get it. She's a mom, she had a hard time with her emotions and me and hospitals and doctors, and tears. I really do understand, but I mean I would not stop myself from having a kid because I am prepared to face whatever life throws and Im ready to help my kid get through that too. I hope thats not coming across as selfish, but I wouldn't be able to do that to myself. It would mess so much more with my concience to not have a kid because there would be a 50 percent chance of medical problems, than to actually have a kid and deal with those challenges.

I have nothing against what my sister and mom (what she said with her eyes) said, but it just made me think about the person I am and want to continue to be. I don't shy away in the face of new things, different things, challenging things.

I just, feel like people these days, everything is about simplicity and convinience and same-ity. Same-ity; my word, for a lack of a better word, to describe how people are afraid of something different in life, different shoes than anyone, a different hair style, different interior designs etc.
I feel like people take the easy way out; walking in a straight line, instead of around the corner. I dunno, couldn't think of a great example, though if I did have a better one, I'm pretty sure it would be an epic point I was making.

Anyway's like I said, its about a decade away, maybe a year less than that, even though I don't put time gaps on anything, but its likely it is a long time away. But it got me thinking, which led me to blogging. It's off my mind, kind of.

Oh, and now that I am feeling a lot better, I can actually take time to read my favorite blogs, which I've missed oh so much.

Pull those socks up and don't crash that pumpkin.
Cheers mates. : )

Blacked out: ice cold.

A couple drinks shot down, music playin; naturally I get on the couch with the buddy and jump around. We're havin' a fun time, alcohols a brewin but Sally decides to get off the couch, and before I can follow boom. blackout. 

Yes. I fell off the couch, hit my head on either a bottle or the wall; something that made a boom and blacked out for a couple seconds. I woke up with my friends around me, head spinning, seeing stars (so to speak), head pounding and thinking I was paralyzed. Naturally I was scared, therefore not moving, then trying to process what happened. Once I did that, I tried to move, and luckily I was A.OK or so I thought. I was a little shook up, but continued to party, throwing back more drinks.  After getting 2 hours of sleep, we walked to McDonalds for a 9'oclock breakfast and I went home only to pass out. 

Now I was feeling the pain. My back, neck and shoulders were aching. My head still spinning. I nearly fell on my ass from washing my hands and looking down. This was after like 9 hours of sleep, which definitely means it can't be the hangover. I slept it off. 

So I was getting freaked, and still am freaked that it could be a minor concussion, since I did blackout. Right now, its considerably difficult to keep my eyes glued to the screen cause as mentioned my head is spinning like a winding wheel. I definitely can't walk it off cause I'll end up on the floor. I've been drinking water and eating sugary snacks hoping I'll feel better, but its been nearly 24 hours since the fall and maybe 8 hours since the symptoms. 

I've pretty much realized that I'm an idiot, for dancing on a couch with alcohol in me, and will no longer do that.....goooooo me. 

In any case, I will definitely see a doctor tomorrow if my symptoms persist. Ooo . What fun. 

Words of advice: never dance on a couch.

I'd write more, but I can't focus like I said and Im totally out of it. 

Keep it hot. 

Cheers mates. 

Thats on a cold windy day.

I hate it. So much. I hate that, I like put up this guard. Hahaha. First girl you've heard that from eh? Hope you can get my sarcasm. Sigh.

Hmm. How the hell do I put what's on my mind, on paper..electronically. Shit, putting it on paper alone is difficult, but electronically? Gosh, what a task. 

I guess...it bothers me that, I get really afraid to open up to people. Im really pretty energetic and outgoing and personable, but its this whole..confiding it people and telling people how I feel. But, I think it's way more that that. It feels like an avalanche is ready to trail behind me, like Im carrying excess baggage. As little as I am in size, I'm pretty good with holding pounds and pounds of baggage. 

Life has just got me thinking that I want things to be solid. Things in my life are so unsteady. Family relationships not only between me and the rest of my family, but relationships between each other. I tell myself I'm so over that bullshit and their drama and that I need to focus on me and let them work things out, but that cloud dwindles over my head that leaves me needing to hold an umbrella up and be the one, the one who can guard them, and fix things. I don't want perfection, because a) perfection is unattainable and b) perfection if boring. I just want things to be steady. I want things to flow in my life, and family is a huge part. Damn. This makes no sense. 

Well. I guess. Alright, here it is. I listen to songs (another cliche' for ya mates) and I think of how great  it would be to have that, like a relationship. No, I'm not the needy girl. But, it's so nice to have a connection with someone who thinks of you when they see or hear something. Me and my friend, let's call her Tina, were talking about how that person in your life, that someone, can make such a difference. How that person can make or break your life. I don't mean it in the dramatic sense it is coming across as. I mean it as, if you're in a relationship with someone and it's going great, it can make your attitude and your days so much better, just as if things have gone horribly wrong, it can make your day..make your day, well shit. And I know what you may be thinking..and to clear it up, my happiness is not dependent on a guy. Like I said, its just comforting to have some solid ground with a couple things in life. 

Let's bring up Jack again, from my previous blogs. I love him as a friend, though around each other we're usually more. But, I don't want anything more from him. I don't want him as a boyfriend cause he'd be a bad one, with me at least. I want him as a friend and he can't even be that, so imagine. But it hurts, hurts so much that like, he wants me as that call girl. And I'm a huge idiot for getting started with this whole shit. I mean, I really don't mind it in the moment, but I had hesitations at the beginning. What I mind, is that our friendship and hanging out revolves around only that. The other day I was telling Jack that we really needed to hang out before I head off to work at that camp and he agrees, stressing that he needs some 'ass.'  This is what I mean by having something solid. 

I don't understand how one day, he acts like a really great friend who appreciates me, for me, my personality, my good times and how instantly, in a second my whole perception of him can change by the one thing he says. Its a big thing because that one thing he says, really says a lot about what he thinks. 

Sigh. Its out. 

I just need some solid ground in my life. Jimmy my insightful friend (hmm, did I call him Jimmy before?) just mentioned to me something about how, if people have a fate, or a destiny thats not to far away, sometimes they've gotta look around before diving into that so called destiny. Whether I believe in all that fate business, it just leaves me telling him that because my life is so unsolid, I end up diving and coming right back out. And you know what he responds with?

"That's only on a cold windy day."

Leave it to him to get me to chuckle. 

Thanks for readin mates. Sorry for another, un complex script of my mind. 

Cheers ; )

Don't let those dragonflies let you down, and bounce those balls high.